You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
