you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
