You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
