I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
