the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
either way he was missing a nipple.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She told me I should be a condom model.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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