Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
