Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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