Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
dude. I can hear the air.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
