My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't deserve a penis
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
did you just send me my own nude
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
