So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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