btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
