I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
