evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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