Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
