do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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