he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
