I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
