I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
