you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She bit a glass in half.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
