brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
