Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
