can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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