if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
