is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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