she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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