I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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