he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Randomize
