Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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