I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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