he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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