Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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