i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
