Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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