How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
