one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
