Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
