i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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