Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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