I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
