Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
