Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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