Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
