90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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