belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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