i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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