I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
