i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I believe in your delicious
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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