talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
