I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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