I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
