I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
