i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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