Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
